Dear Phong, after reviewing the 5 essays you wrote: 

1) Task 2 essay: In this day and age, many believe that living and studying in school at the same time is beneficial for students, while some argue that they should live with their family members. 

2) Task 2 essay: In this day and age, many believe that living in the countryside is more advantageous for children than in a big city, while some argue that modern life in a developed city is better for children.

3) Task 2 essay: In this day and age, many believe that children should be taught in a competitive environment, while some argue that they must be educated to cooperate with schoolmates.

4) Task 2 essay: It is argued that trapping animals in zoos is cruel behavior and need to be halted immediately, while some believe that zoos are actually a ideal reserves for endangered animals.

5) Task 2 essay: In this day and age, many countries are facing a significant increase in population of elders. Many believe that this trend will become major concern for country, whilst some argue that olders can benefit society in many fields.

Here is my analysis and advice how you can increase your writing scores: 

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Task achievement analysis:

Addressing the question: Your essays generally address the given questions and present a clear opinion. However, there is a need for more depth in your arguments and examples.

Relevance and Clarity: While your essays contain relevant points, some of them are underdeveloped or not clearly explained.

Examples: Your examples often lack specificity and detail, which weakens your arguments.

Conclusion: Conclusions sometimes introduce new points or restate the opinion in a way that causes confusion.

Guide to optimising your task achievement score: 

Understand the Question Thoroughly

Advice: Ensure you fully understand what the question is asking. Identify the key elements you need to address.

Example: For the prompt "In this day and age, many believe that living and studying in school at the same time is beneficial for students, while some argue that they should live with their family members," focus on the specific advantages and disadvantages of both living situations.

Present a Clear Opinion

Advice: State your opinion clearly in the introduction and ensure it runs consistently throughout the essay.

Example: "In my opinion, students benefit more from living on campus due to the opportunities for developing independence and life skills."

Develop Each Argument Thoroughly

Advice: Provide detailed explanations for each point you make. Use clear logic and reasoning.

Example: "Living on campus helps students develop independence. They must manage their time, budget, and responsibilities without immediate parental guidance. This fosters crucial skills for adulthood."

Use Specific and Relevant Examples

Advice: Include specific, real-world examples to support your points. Ensure they directly relate to the argument you're making.

Example: "For instance, students at American universities often work part-time jobs to cover living expenses, teaching them financial management skills."

Balance Your Argument

Advice: When discussing both sides, give equal weight to each argument before concluding why one side is stronger.

Example: "While living with family provides emotional support and helps avoid bad habits, it can also limit students' ability to develop self-reliance, which is crucial for personal growth."

Clear and Concise Conclusion

Advice: Summarize your main points and restate your opinion clearly in the conclusion without introducing new information.

Example: "In conclusion, although living with family has its benefits, the independence and life skills gained from living on campus are invaluable for students' future success."

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Coherence and cohesion analysis:

Logical Structure: Your essays generally have a logical structure with clear paragraphs, but there are issues with transitions and cohesion.

Transitions and Linking Words: While you use linking words, they could be more varied and better integrated to create smoother transitions between ideas.

Clear Topic Sentences: Some paragraphs lack clear topic sentences, which makes it difficult to follow the main point of each paragraph.

Progression of Ideas: There are occasional jumps between ideas without clear connections, affecting the overall flow.

Guide to boosting your coherence and cohesion score:

Create Clear Paragraphs

Advice: Ensure each paragraph has one clear main idea, supported by explanations and examples.

Example: Start with a topic sentence, followed by supporting details: "Living on campus helps students develop independence. They must manage their time, budget, and responsibilities without immediate parental guidance."

Use a Variety of Linking Words

Advice: Use a range of linking words to connect ideas within and between paragraphs.

Example: Instead of always using "on the other hand," try "alternatively," "in contrast," or "however."

Develop Smooth Transitions

Advice: Make sure each sentence flows logically to the next. Use transitional phrases to link ideas smoothly.

Example: "Furthermore, living on campus can enhance students' social skills. For example, students frequently engage in group activities and events, which helps them build strong social networks."

Maintain Consistent Pronoun References

Advice: Ensure pronouns clearly refer to the correct nouns to avoid confusion.

Example: "Students living on campus gain independence. This lifestyle fosters self-discipline" instead of "This fosters self-discipline."

Avoid Repetition

Advice: Use synonyms and rephrase sentences to avoid repeating the same words or ideas.

Example: "Living on campus provides numerous benefits. One such benefit is the opportunity to develop independence."

Create Strong Conclusions

Advice: Summarize the main points clearly and restate your opinion without introducing new information.

Example: "In conclusion, while living with family has its benefits, the independence and life skills gained from living on campus are invaluable for students' future success."

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Lexical resource analysis:

Range of Vocabulary: Your essays demonstrate a reasonable range of vocabulary, but there is room for more sophisticated language and synonyms to avoid repetition.

Word Choice: There are occasional errors in word choice and usage that affect clarity.

Repetition: Repetition of certain phrases suggests a limited lexical resource.

Complex Words and Phrases: Attempts at using higher-level vocabulary are present but sometimes inaccurate or awkward.

Guide to elevating your lexical resource score:

Expand Your Vocabulary

Advice: Learn new words and phrases related to common IELTS topics. Use flashcards or vocabulary apps to practice.

Example: Instead of using "beneficial" repeatedly, use synonyms like "advantageous," "favorable," or "constructive."

Use Synonyms and Avoid Repetition

Advice: Vary your word choice to avoid repeating the same words. Use a thesaurus to find synonyms.

Example: Instead of repeating "students," you can use "learners," "pupils," or "scholars."

Use Collocations Correctly

Advice: Learn common collocations (words that frequently go together) to make your writing more natural.

Example: "Make a decision" instead of "take a decision," "gain experience" instead of "earn experience."

Practice Paraphrasing

Advice: Practice rephrasing sentences to convey the same meaning in different ways. This helps in using varied vocabulary.

Example: Original: "Living on campus helps students develop independence."

Paraphrased: "Residing at the university fosters students' self-reliance."

Incorporate Higher-Level Vocabulary

Advice: Use more sophisticated vocabulary where appropriate, but ensure it is used correctly.

Example: Use "autonomous" instead of "independent," "endeavor" instead of "try," "proficient" instead of "good."

Learn Word Forms

Advice: Know the different forms of words (noun, verb, adjective, adverb) and use them appropriately.

Example: "Benefit" (noun), "beneficial" (adjective), "benefit" (verb).

Avoid Common Mistakes

Advice: Be aware of and avoid common mistakes in word choice and usage.

Example: Use "affect" (verb) and "effect" (noun) correctly: "The policy affects everyone," "The effect of the policy is significant."

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Grammatical range and accuracy analysis:

Variety of Sentence Structures: Your essays show some variety in sentence structures, but there is a need for more complex sentences.

Common Errors: Frequent issues include subject-verb agreement, prepositions, articles, and incorrect word forms.

Sentence Clarity: Some sentences are overly long or complex, making them difficult to understand.

Guide to enhancing your grammatical range and accuracy score:

Master Basic Grammar Rules

Advice: Focus on mastering basic grammar rules such as subject-verb agreement, correct use of articles, and proper sentence structure.

Example: Ensure verbs agree with their subjects: "Students need" instead of "Students needs."

Use a Variety of Sentence Structures

Advice: Incorporate a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences to demonstrate a range of grammatical structures.

Example: Use complex sentences with dependent and independent clauses: "Although living with family provides support, living on campus fosters independence."

Improve Article Usage

Advice: Pay attention to the correct use of definite (the) and indefinite (a, an) articles.

Example: "An independent life" instead of "independent life."

Practice Proper Prepositions

Advice: Learn the correct prepositions to use with different verbs, adjectives, and nouns.

Example: "Depend on" instead of "depend of."

Avoid Sentence Fragments

Advice: Ensure every sentence has a subject and a verb and expresses a complete thought.

Example: "Students benefit from living on campus because they learn independence" instead of "Living on campus, because they learn independence."

Use Correct Word Forms

Advice: Use the correct form of a word (noun, verb, adjective, adverb) to fit the context of the sentence.

Example: "Improve their career prospects" instead of "improve their career prospect."

Avoid Run-On Sentences

Advice: Break down long sentences into shorter, clearer ones to improve readability.

Example: "Students gain independence by living on campus. They learn to manage their own schedules and responsibilities."